“Make her LAUGH?” asked Dot.

That seemed a tall order for the serious, slightly grumpy Eldenbeam – Mr Argy-Bargy, who never seemed to miss a chance to have a dig at poor Walpurgis.

Mind you, all the TricTrucTrackers are like that at one time or another – except the sweet-natured Carmeramalita. I remember once when –

DRRRINNNG!

Hang on, I’m just getting a call…

“Yes Sharon… yes, all right… just thought it might be an interesting little… OK!”

That was the boss. Our Kids Taskforce President – the Prez herself! - Sharon Doughty. Wants me to get on, so I’d better!

“Yes, make her laugh!” said Eldenbeam. “Dad told me all about it, from the time she helped him. She’s totally random you see – goes her own sweet way round the net, doing whatever she feels like. If she wants to give you a hand it’s fantastic. Literally magic. She can do just about anything. But she makes up her own mind. And if she just doesn’t feel like helping you, she simply disappears.”

“She doesn’t sound very kind” said Wiz, resting his head on Dot’s knee.

“She’s neither kind nor unkind” replied Eldenbeam. “She’s like nature in your world. You realworlders like to think nature’s kind of on your side, a friendly helping hand – because trees and oceans and skies and creatures are so beautiful and amazing. Well they are, but nature – what some people call Gaia, the way all the parts of the Earth work together to make your world – isn’t a person. She’s a huge being without feelings.”

Dot shivered. She didn’t like what Eldenbeam was saying, but she had to admit from her nature studies – all those creatures kind of living off each other – that it had the ring of truth.

“Anyway the Magic Malarkerette is like that” Eldenbeam went on. “But if you can get her on your side it’s fantastic. She can magic anything! And the way to get her on your side is - to tell her a joke. It can be brilliant… or it can be corny. But it has to be the right joke… ”

“How can you tell it will be ze right… yok… jog… plaisanterie, * zen?” asked Fromage, frowning as he struggled with another new word in English.

“You can’t!” answered Eldenbeam. “And what’s even worse is, you have to be quick. Because if she feels like it, she’ll just go, as I said! Just like that!”

“Just like - pouff?” said Fromage, smiling and giving his right whisker a quick snappy twirl.

“Yes, poufff!” answered Eldenbeam – but seriously, as if he were remembering a very tense moment in his life as a TricTrucTracker. Which indeed he was!

“So… I had to think up a joke. Quick! But what? The Magic Malarkerette was just hovering there, a Post-It note all bright and yellow against the slopes and canyons of the Mountain of Food. I hadn’t said anything yet – too taken by surprise. So she went into her changement mode – does that when she gets bored, she can’t stand to be bored. Not for a second. She went “Like this?” in her chuckling way – and became a handbell. Then “Like this?” and became a Snickers bar… a ruler… a pair of bright pink socks… and then back to being a Post-It.”

“A bad sign” said Katzilow, and all the TricTrucTrackers nodded gravely.

“Yes” said Eldenbeam. “It meant she was just about to get bored… and that would mean, she’d vanish… and that would mean that my best chance of getting my first searchfind right, and becoming a TricTrucTracker, which I so wanted – would be gone. I had to say something! So I said it.”

“What?” said Dot.

“I said: “It’s getting a bit custardy round here!”

??? thought Dot. And ????????????????????

“It was all I could think of. What I hoped was, she’d ask what I meant – because she’s brilliant, she can usually work any joke out, but if she has to ask what you mean, and she likes your answer – you’ve got her help! With all her changement magic!”

Eldenbeam paused. Then: “She didn’t say anything at first – just floated there in her Post-It form, smiling. Then it happened!”

“What?” asked Wiz.

“She said – “Custardy?” Just that. WHAT a relief! I’ll NEVER forget it!”

“And what did you say?” asked Dot.

“I said – “Yes, you know – all yellow and sticky!”

Oh NO, thought Dot. That is really TERRIBLE! A giga-groan joke!

“There was this big pause” Eldenbeam went on. “I was so scared. Sure I’d blown it. But then suddenly, she opened her ruby-red mouth – and the biggest laugh I’d ever heard came out of it. At the same time, she made thousands and thousands of Post-Its just like her form around her – so many, that in the end they completely hid the Food Mountain. But I’d done it! She was going to help me!”

* - “Plaisanterie” – French for joke.